Have you successfully started a diet and then after a while sabotaged yourself and quit? Have you reached your goal weight and then gained it back? Do you sometimes eat when you’re not hungry, over eat meals, binge or feel out of control with food?
If so, there is something very important going on underneath the surface which is running the show. You have remarkably good reasons for keeping yourself heavy and for turning to food.
Once you uncover these reasons they begin to turn around! It takes being curious and compassionate with yourself. It helps to have a coach to guide you and create a safe, comfortable space for you to explore and discover.
When what is behind the scenes comes out and shows itself, it’s easier to deal with than you may have thought it would be. As adults, we have hundreds of times more spindle cells in the brain to process emotions than we did as a child!
From the circumstances and situations of our early life, we inevitably create beliefs that get embedded into our subconscious mind. The subconscious mind is like a tape recorder, playing the tape that it was given. When we realize what old tape is running in our lives, we can then choose to change the tape!
In coaching emotional eaters, I have heard many good reasons. Here are a few:
“If I become attractive again, I’ll get into another intimate relationship. He’ll leave me and then I’ll have to face being rejected again.” Feeling the pain of her father leaving the family, she came to believe that men leave her because she’s not good enough.
“We moved 14 times by the time I finished high school. I had to keep re-establishing and proving myself.” With the pattern of yo-yoing between becoming lean and buff, and getting fat and out of shape, and then starting to workout again, he continued having to prove himself.
“My husband has to learn to love me unconditionally, no matter what size I am, before I am willing to lose the weight.” Her husband is like her mother; critical of her. It elicited the same feelings of someone important saying she’s not OK and her soul trying to assert the truth that she is divine regardless.
“People will start to expect more from me. I will probably disappoint them.” She was often made to feel like a failure as a child.
“When I was 19 years old, people complimented me on my beauty. I wanted them to see my inner beauty, substance and intelligence which I thought I didn’t have and wanted to develop, so I gained weight to take my outer beauty away.” People acknowledging each other for who they are on the inside remained a strong value to her. She gained weight again when her daughters became teenagers.
“As a teenager, I learned that bad things happen when you have an attractive body. I was also punished a lot and made to feel like I’m a bad person when my stepmother came onto the scene.” By binging and mentally beating herself up over it, she could continue feeling bad on her own.
“I’m holding onto this weight, while I seem to be in a holding pattern waiting on my husband and on my boss to make decisions that affect me.” Her opinion wasn’t welcomed when she was a child. Her weight said that this wasn’t OK with her spirit.
We also turn to food for very important reasons:
“When I was 12 years old, ice cream was the only sweetness I could find. I had to do endless work on the farm and didn’t get to play, learn music, do sports or extracurricular activities at school. I thought that happiness was for other people, not for me.” As a grown woman, she continued to put herself into a job where there was endless work to do, with no time for anything else – and found some relief by eating candy bars on her long commute home.
“When I was 6 years old, I was sexually violated. No one was talking about it, and I felt helpless. I also thought that if I was bigger, I’d be able to protect and help myself, like an adult. I eat whenever I feel anxious because I worry that I won’t know what to do or how to deal with a situation.”
“I eat when I’m bored. My parents had a lot to deal with when I was a kid. They didn’t want me to have needs or show emotions. I once cried in violin class which ended up being very embarrassing. That day, I went to the candy shop across the street and I felt better.” Whenever she had a need, or felt an emotion, she would get “bored” instead, and fill that need by eating sweets.
So, what’s the truth behind your food and weight issues? The truth will set you free!
Ultimately, we keep ourselves heavy and turn to food for reasons of self-care, safety, self-assertion, justice or emotional survival in the best way we know how to provide it for ourselves. To the spirit, these reasons are more important than being at a healthy weight.
Coaching is goal oriented and moves with momentum. In working with an experienced coach, these inner dynamics and their layers unfold and reveal themselves relatively quickly.
You can then adopt new empowering beliefs. All it takes is to have the intention to be willing to entertain the possibility. You’ll see how life responds to you accordingly, now that you’re an adult and you can consciously choose your beliefs.
