At some point in the first few weeks of the process of learning to eat with mindfulness and liberation, everyone says something like, “I’m having fun. I’m losing weight and I’m not even on a diet!”
Here is an illustration of this sent by one woman triumphally describing her Easter weekend.

Hi Denise,
I am pleased to report that the weekend went very well. I was surprised to learn at our dinner on Tuesday how satisfying eating a small meal could be when focusing on the pleasure of each bite. Following that strategy I ate very deliberately at both holiday meals on Sat night and Sunday and enjoyed every bite without overeating. I sampled everything including dessert and never felt over full. Again no one noticed anything unusual with my eating – I felt completely normal. I think my body is getting to know what it really feels like not to over or under eat (my old pattern). I like feeling just full enough and not overfull. It’s like my body is developing a new knowledge of how full it wants to be. For my drinking strategy, I took a liter of diet ginger ale with me on Sunday. When I arrived I accepted the offered glass of wine and tried to fully enjoy sipping that. Afterwards I kept filling my wine glass with ginger ale. At dinner I had another glass of wine and then mixed the left over wine in my glass with ginger ale after we finished the meal. I had a glass in my hand the entire afternoon, but drank the exact amount I wanted. NO ONE NOTICED! This was a bit of a revelation to me that I can fully participate in the festivities without over drinking or making a big deal about not drinking with a little preplanned strategy.
I am feeling very good about this process. I feel like I am really learning some new skills and I am feeling pretty confident that I can handle the upcoming weekend. I weighed 142.2 this morning – losing .4 pounds over the weekend which was a real surprise. I thought at best I would stay the same and fully expected to gain a bit. I set out my goals to lose 4 pounds per month with a goal weight by 5/1 of 140ish. Even with all the social events I feel like I am on track and am really eating differently. I keep waiting to hit a real rough patch but so far so good.

My webmaster is hopefully still searching for my December blog which disappeared a couple months ago when my website switched to different hosting. It was about eating what and how much you want when surrounded by fabulous food (holiday time) and being able to lose weight too. The punch line is that you pay such close attention to your food that you get every iota of pleasure. And, that you’re so tuned-in to your body, that you eat precisely the amount it wants.

Have you noticed how bright and keen the flavors are when you’re hungry and how dull your palate becomes when you’re getting full? With pleasure as your goal, you’ll know when the food is no longer amazing and you’ve had enough. You’ll be happy to stop because you had such a big quality experience of utmost pleasure. You can bring it out again when you’re hungry and you’ll receive the greatest amount of pleasure again.

The senses are the most stimulatable when you’re hungry (not starved) and you want to stimulate your senses for emotional satisfaction which also increase your mental and physical satisfaction. So take a good look at the food, noticing its shapes and colors and appreciate nature’s artwork. Smell the food to send the olfactory message to your brain. Chew well, like a cow, to simulate all the chemoreceptors on your taste buds that inform your brain of the flavors. Be present to the sensations in your mouth and what flavors are being released at first, in the middle and ending notes.

You want to be like a connoisseur, a foodie, a food judge at the county fair. You want to get to intimately know what you’re eating, its essence, its secrets, every little nuance and imprint it into your memory. You want to know that you get to have it and that you indeed had it.

I recently went to a chocolate tasting event. The other participants and the staff were all within a reasonable weight range. Most seemed like foodies. The couple at my table even planned vacations to tour chocolate shops; Belgium being one of them. Everyone was articulate in their descriptions of the flavors they were experiencing, especially when pairing chocolate with various goodies like nuts, dried fruits, cheese and olives. Each bite was deliberately chosen, paid full attention to and a wonderous exploration. There was poetry in the room as people shared the details of the sensations and flavors in their mouths.

In contrast, a few days later, I had the opportunity to practice mindful eating with a group of people who had undergone gastric bypass and lap band surgery. Though I tried to get it out of them, there were no descriptive words about the flavors and sensations in their mouth. They could only eat 1/3 cup at one sitting and almost everyone brought humdrum food, forfeiting the opportunity to have a pleasurable experience.

People with no food/weight issues would not accept this. They tend to have much more fun and eat yummy food they’re enthusiastic about. They didn’t get the memo that it’s bad to love food. Nor, that they’re not allowed to eat goodies.

If you allow yourself to eat what you shouldn’t be eating, you don’t have to get it all in now. You know there will always be wonderful food available – whatever you want, whenever you want it. Then, you are totally free. Free to eat according to your truth of precisely what and how much you actually want.

As John Heywood, a 16th century writer, wrote: Enough is as good as a feast.

This thumb ring is one young woman’s way to remind herself to be tuned-in when she’s eating. Note the strategic placement of her symbol. Her nail polish is also significant. The color is symbolic of her true and powerful self. It’s working. This stuff can be fun.

Today, I’m gratefully entering my third day of my 4 day personal retreat. I cleared my schedule and put aside the guilt from not doing what I should be. I’m allowing myself the chance to do guided meditations, ballet classes, walk the beach and primarily write. I’ve been longing for longer stretches of time to just sit and write and get immersed. My Self has been pleading, “Please, can we just sit and write?!” I’m glad I listened.

I scheduled it for this week because my husband is out of town – good timing with the sunshine and low tides!

I got the inspiration to go on retreat years ago when I picked up my first Jennifer Louden book: The Woman’s Retreat Book. I consider Jennifer a pioneer coach. Basically, her delicious retreat activities are like being coached in that you play, explore, gain clarity, listen to yourself and cultivate intimacy and support within yourself. She was influential in helping me to cultivate self-honoring, develop my mindful eating practices and in recognizing that I want to become a coach.

Her books are likely to make an impact on you, too. To live more purposefully and passionately, besides her retreat books, I highly recommend, The Life Organizer.

Speaking of retreats, Jennifer has a contest to win a spot at her annual writing retreat in Taos, NM, titled: The Luscious, Nurturing Get Your Writing Done While Laughing Your Butt Off and Maybe Crying a Little Too Writer’s Retreat

Every year I read about how fabulous it is, get all excited and wish I could put up the tuition. Could this be my chance! Here’s my entry: http://ht.ly/4Pwka

In the past couple of weeks, I got to witness 3 more people discover that self-compassion works in preventing self-sabotage. Each person strayed a bit from eating as well as they had been. By letting it be OK, accepting it and forgiving themselves, they didn’t feel compelled to ‘blow it all’, as they would have in the past. They just continued onward as if it didn’t happen and didn’t set themselves back.

Their old way was perfectionism: “Since I’ve been bad, I’ll really be bad. If I can’t win, I don’t want to play. If I can’t be perfect, forget the whole thing.” After the binge, they’d beat themselves up and go on a strict diet. Then, they’d have to be naughty again to rebel from being treated disrespectfully, and the cycle continues.
The starts and stops are tiring, frustrating and discouraging. The body responds to these famines and feasts by getting particularly good at storing fat.

Self-compassion = Self-acceptance = Forgiveness = Patience = Success

The new way, of the middle ground, is a much more graceful, peaceful, enjoyable and efficient way to travel along your weight loss journey. It’s ultimately faster and more sustainable. It’s like the tortoise winning the race because she moved steadily, instead of the hare who ended up slower with her stops and starts.

Simply put, calling it fine when you’ve eaten too much makes you feel compelled to make it fine. Calling it bad makes you feel compelled to make it bad.

This could be helpful around Easter. The idea is to have big quality experiences with small quality treats. However, if that doesn’t happen, you can practice self-compassion as the antidote to blowing it completely.

The best book I’ve found on self-compassion is: The Mindful Path to Self-Compassion by Christopher Germer.
The Self-Compassion Diet by Jean Fain and her accompanying hypnosis CD are also worthwhile.

As people adopt self-compassion as a way of living all the time, they find they can handle their life without having to overeat. It’s the comfort we’re looking for when we turn to food.

“A moment of self-compassion can change your entire day. A string of such moments can change the course of your life.” Christopher K. Germer